Category Archives: Family

Performance Mentalities

Performance…Perfection…Comparison…Competition

These are 4 mentalities and/or principles which will not only wear you out, but will spit you out. In a nutshell, they will steal the true joy of motherhood (which surely is no joke to ‘quack’ about).

I don’t know about you, but there are days when my identity gets lost in the piles of laundry to wash, the dirty diapers to change, the meals to prepare, and the endless “Why mommy?” conversations I engage in with my toddler. I feel lost some days, and as a result, I begin to look for my strength and my identity through ‘performance’ and ‘perfection’. I tell myself, “If I could only get all of the housework done in an hour…; if I could complete my to-do list by Wednesday, I would be laughing; why aren’t my children well behaved?; what did I do wrong?” Me, me, me! It seems as though, on these off days, I begin to turn inward and shift all of the attention to myself: my needs, my wants and my desires. I then begin to zoom in on my ‘performance’ in order to gain acceptance and identity from others around me. I find myself doing this for I feel the need to be perfect, to make sure all of my ducks are in a row – and they are definitely not. My ducks are everywhere: swimming, playing, sleeping, etc. I can’t even find some of them.

I have also noticed that I have a tendency to compare my children (and mothering skills) to those of others. As a result, a competitive spirit arises, as though the need to prove myself is vital to my existence. As I sit here and write this, my heart is grieved because it is the complete opposite of what I want to exude as a mom. Living in ‘performance’ steals the joy of being a mom. I am thankful that the Lord has been revealing this to my heart, and healing me in the process.

I long to be secure in who I am in God. HE IS MY REWARD. Everything I do is FOR HIS GLORY. If my kids succeed: Yeah! God! If I was able to shower today: Yeah! God! If anything good happens, it is because of Him. If nothing good happens: Yeah! God! Why? I am alive and well! A ‘performance’ mentality is essentially an insecurity.

Two “mom” goals I have set out to accomplish are:
a) to impart unto my children the ability to rest in who they are; and,
b) to let them know that God is enough.

I want to be a mother who:

1. Nurtures and loves her children unconditionally, without reservation. I want them to know that my love is limitless, and it is not earned. I love them because of who they are. They need not perform.

2. I want my children to know that I expect nothing of them. If they excel at something, I am proud of them, but perfection does not earn my love.

3. I want them to be confident individuals, secure in knowing that whatever God has in store for them…it is enough. They don’t need to compare themselves. They are unique and they are loved.
4. Finally, I long for them to know that they do not need to strive for my love, that they are not in a rat race or some kind of competition. They have already won, simply by being born into our family.

I now see that, as much as I long for my children to embrace these “goals”, the Lord desires for me to do so as well. He wants me to be secure in His love and not think, for one second, that I can earn His approval or love. Jesus has already done that for me. It would be heart-breaking if my kids believed that they needed to accomplish things or be someone else in order to gain my approval. The truth is that I love who they are. There is nobody else, in the entire world, like them!

Identity, Excellence, Wisdom, and Confidence: these are 4 words which will empower you, encourage you to be the mother that God created you to be.

When our motive is LOVE, and we find rest in the arms of the Father, all “performance” mentalities fade away. We realize that, if we never did another thing in our lives, we would be fully loved and fully accepted by Him (not that we stop doing everything, but we make sure our heart and motives are in line with his desires for us at mothers).

Who or what defines you?

Do not allow ‘performance’ mentalities to steal your joy. Enjoy your little ones. Do not fret about the food smeared on their faces or the blotches of stains on their shirt. It is a-okay if the dishes do not get done. You are STILL loved. Your children are blessed to have you. Be thankful for today and the memories that you will create!

Healthy Birthday Cakes

Here are a couple cake ideas that can be used for kids birthday cakes. They are sugar, milk and egg free! My son loves helping me bake and these cakes are perfect if you are doing baking because they contain no sugar or additives!!

Healthy Banana Cake

2 cups whole wheat flour
1tsp baking powder
1tsp baking soda
6 ripe mashed bananas
1 cup unsweetened applesauce
1/2 cup rice milk
Combine dry ingredients in a bowl and mix well. Combine wet ingredients in another bowl and mix. Pour dry ingredients in with wet ingredients and mix together. Bake at 325F in a well greased pan for 1-1/2hr until cake is cooked through.
Whole Wheat Carrot Cake
2 cup whole wheat flour
1tsp baking powder
1tsp baking soda
pinch of sea salt
1 1/4cup water
3/4 cup raisins (optional)
1tsp cinnamon
1/2 tsp nutmeg
1 cup grated carrots
1/2 cup unsweetened applesauce
Preheat oven to 325F. Combine dry ingredients in a bowl and mix. In a small sauce pan add water, raisins, nutmeg and cinnamon, bring water to a boil and let simmer for 5 minutes. Put carrots in a seperate bowl pour water mixture over and add applesauce, stir. Add dry ingredients and stir until cake is completely mixed. Pour into a well greased pan and bake for 45 minutes or until cooked through. Enjoy!

Magnificent Mothering

Hello to all you wonderful mothers out there! I feel compelled to let you know, that in this day and age, your role as a mother is so important. We have the power to shift a nation and to raise children who are God fearing, confident, whole individuals. I have been challenged with the thought that any woman can be a mom, biologically, but it takes a woman who desires to love, nurture and see their child excel, beyond their own accomplishments, to be a mother. Mothering is not an easy task, in fact, it is the most multifaceted, complex, demanding job on earth and it takes much skill and selflessness to master! This morning I was reflecting on my role as a mother. Often, people tell us to not do anything on mothers day, to take the day off, but I feel like today is an opportunity to, in all I do, remember how blessed I am to be able to serve my children and my family.

 I thought it would be nice to include a little humor, seeing as the majority of my days are spent laughing at myself or my kids, and the silly things that seem to happen and change when you become a mother. So here are a few scenarios you may be able to identify with. You know you are a mother when:

You spit on your hands to clean off the faces of your children.

You wear jogging pants for a week straight

You can talk on the phone, pack a snack, wash the dishes, and breastfeed all at the same time.

You cannot remember the last time you painted your nails.

Your washing machine never stops running.

You have thousands of pictures of your children but not one of you.

You never leave the house without snacks.

You reach into your purse to pay for groceries and you pull out a soother.

You often think and feel that you are not capable to do this job but then realize that you wouldn’t trade it for the WORLD!

I cannot explain the overwhelming joy that comes to my heart when I sit down and think about my children. The emotions, the desire and the love are too much to express in words. They can only be demonstrated through a life of expression. I began to wonder that perhaps all of these emotions, evoked in my relationship with my kids, are a way of God expressing His heart towards me. Is that possible? If I am only human, could that love and desire for me be even stronger since He is the creator of those emotions? Could my relationship with my kids be an example, on a small scale, of the passionate, burning, undying love of God? I do believe this to be true. As a mother, I am experiencing a picture of God’s heart for me. How I see my kids, love them, express my heart towards them, etc., are all examples of how God feels towards me. Wow! In realizing this, one thing becomes evident: I NEED HIM to show me how to love my kids. I want His guidance and mentor-ship on this road of motherhood. May all the glory of motherhood be given back to God because He is the one who made me a mother. He is the one who created my children and gave them to me. 

I pray that, today, each of you will feel a strong sense of God’s pleasure with you as a mother. You play a vital and important role in the lives of your children and your family. The impact you have now is like an investment. The long term return is far greater than what you see now. If you plant seeds, you will reap a harvest! So in the mean time, between the planting and the harvesting, may you experience the joy, inner peace and contentment that comes from being a mother. May you realize, that out of your sacrifice, lives are being shaped, personalities affirmed, and world leaders are in the making. May you know that no one else, in the WORLD, can be your child’s mother and that NOBODY loves you like they do! HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY. Bless you as you continue to embark upon this journey of motherhood!

“Train up a child in the way they should go and when they are old they will NOT depart from it!” Proverbs 22:6

Welcome!

I am so glad that you came to check out my blog. I am really looking forward to connecting with you and hearing from you on a regular basis. I admit that this blog has taken me longer than expected to publish, mostly because I am such a perfectionist and I wanted to edit everything to death! But I gave in, actually my husband said that he would publish it if I didn’t so I just decided to DO IT! I hope I find you all well. I want to invite you to follow my story, posts,reciepes, homemaking and devos-to-go. I am hoping to provide a place of hope, encouragement and relationships mostly for woman, wives and especially mothers who feel as though some days they might loose it after changing a dozen poopy diapers, not showering for 5 days and sleeping for an average of 5 hrs a night (combined). YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE:) And the truth of the matter is that there are many of us out there, we are all in this season of life together and to be honest, although it is difficult at times, I love it, and I want to encourage you to love it as well! Marriage, pregnancies, babies, breastfeeding, toddlers and homemaking all present very unique challenges and I believe that we can learn so many things together. Some days are good and some are not so good:) Like my 3 year old son put it, as he rested his hand on my shoulder, after a long day, in which I shed many tears, “Mommy its a hard day”!  He knew! I looked up at him and smile, yes it is a hard day, but because you said it I can move on and things are going to get better! Sometimes we need a gentle reminder that some days are hard but that they are short lived. Life is beautiful, regardless of the sticky hands, painted walls, poopy diapers, dirty dishes, stained carpet and chaos of having children, they are growing and we are watching them, this is a rare and beautiful thing. Pregnant bellies, hormones, elevated emotions and bodies that arent what they used to be are; these are some of the challenges that are reality. Life is simple, my days usually consist of feeding, changing, playing, feeding again, changing again, sleeping and playing. I feel like I clean up just in time for someone to make a mess and then I clean it again. It isnt rocket science, it’s simplicity and I have learned over the years to cherish the simplicity because too often we, as “grown ups”, try to complicate things. Children laugh an average of 400 times a day, adults about 40 times, so jump in with your kids and enjoy life. Please engage, share your heart, comment, correct, have fun and laugh with me in this season. I pray that as we grow together on this journey you and your household will be strengthen and encouraged to live a simply beautiful life!

The days are long…but the years are short!

Today will mark the third year of my son Judah’s life. I still cannot believe that it has been three years since he made his way into this world. It was an extravagent birth, I can remember it like it was yesturday. The emotions flood my mind and I can physically feel the intensity, pain, joy and anxiety of the labour. Judah was a 12 hour labour and 2 hours of that was pushing his head out. It was a drug free, very natural birth. As I think back to that day and then look at him tonight as he sleeps my heart cannot define the emotions that well up inside of me. He has lived for 1095 days which have been incredible and joyous for our family and while 1095 days seems long, 3 years seems so short. I am in awe of how he has grown and turned into a little man who wants to be like his father, loves his mommym and protects his baby sister. How did this little life emerge? Was it not just yesturday that he was sleeping in my arms and completely dependent on me for everything? Who put his little personality inside of him? My heart is overwhelmed and I begin to tear up as I think of all the fond memories that he 3 years hold. Things that I will never forget. I can only imagine what it will be like one day when he is turning 20 and I think back to this saying; the days are long…but the years are short. How much more will that mean to us, how is that possible that the days are long but years are short. I feel completely out of touch with time. The one thing I am sure of is that God is in control of time. He is the author of our days and our years. I am thankful for my son. The motherly love that I have towards him can never be expressed in words and I will live my entire life trying to demonstrate that love to him!  Happy Birthday Judah, I am so proud of you and I am so glad that God gave you to me!

Unspeakable Joy

Have you ever had a time in your life when you laughed until you cried. When ever cell in you body was exploding with joy, so much to the point that you could not even move…or breathe…or talk? I hope that all of us have encountered at one time or another these beautiful moments. They are like air in our lungs, or food that we eat, a necessity for life. It is in these times that I am reminded of this concept of unspeakable joy. What does that mean? I heard this song once that talks about God giving us “unspeakable joy” and to be quite honest I never really knew what it meant. So I have set out on a mission to find out the meaning of this phrase. I am not an expert researcher or a theologian. I find it suffice to look into a single book to find the answer to this question…that book is the Bible. To me the best place to find the meaning of joy is from the One who created joy and created us with the ability to experience this emotion. According to the Bible joy is an amazing and powerful emotion. Joy has the ability to make us strong, it lifts us up, makes us laugh, is a demonstration of God himself, is available to all people, anytime, anywhere, and finally can leave us speechless. Interesting? Joy that is unspeakable cannot be fully explained only experienced. And to this I ask if anyone wants some of this joy? I do, I mean in this world that we live in today depression seems to be a staple word in our society. I am a counselor and poeple often come into my office, flop down in the chair like a pile of dirty laundry and tell me how depressed they are. How this world has nothing for them, how people have hurt them and then they ask how I can help them. I often ask when was the last time they had a good laugh? Most cannot even remember, so at the end of the session I send them off and tell them that their homework for next week is to have an encounter with joy, I mean a really good laugh, one that makes their eyes water, their mouth get dry, their belly hurt and that leaves them speechless. The results are life changing! So when was the last time you experienced this unspeakable joy in your life? When was the last time it hurt to breathe because you were laughing to hard? Joy is something that is experienced it bubbles up inside of us and it can be a lifestyle that we choose to live on a daily basis. It isn’t something that happens to us we happen onto it, we choose to have joy even in the midst of our culture that is like a vacuum and literally sucks the life and joy out of us on a moment by moment basis. So today I encourage you choose joy, although it is unspeakable it is absolutely attainable!