Performance Mentalities

Performance…Perfection…Comparison…Competition

These are 4 mentalities and/or principles which will not only wear you out, but will spit you out. In a nutshell, they will steal the true joy of motherhood (which surely is no joke to ‘quack’ about).

I don’t know about you, but there are days when my identity gets lost in the piles of laundry to wash, the dirty diapers to change, the meals to prepare, and the endless “Why mommy?” conversations I engage in with my toddler. I feel lost some days, and as a result, I begin to look for my strength and my identity through ‘performance’ and ‘perfection’. I tell myself, “If I could only get all of the housework done in an hour…; if I could complete my to-do list by Wednesday, I would be laughing; why aren’t my children well behaved?; what did I do wrong?” Me, me, me! It seems as though, on these off days, I begin to turn inward and shift all of the attention to myself: my needs, my wants and my desires. I then begin to zoom in on my ‘performance’ in order to gain acceptance and identity from others around me. I find myself doing this for I feel the need to be perfect, to make sure all of my ducks are in a row – and they are definitely not. My ducks are everywhere: swimming, playing, sleeping, etc. I can’t even find some of them.

I have also noticed that I have a tendency to compare my children (and mothering skills) to those of others. As a result, a competitive spirit arises, as though the need to prove myself is vital to my existence. As I sit here and write this, my heart is grieved because it is the complete opposite of what I want to exude as a mom. Living in ‘performance’ steals the joy of being a mom. I am thankful that the Lord has been revealing this to my heart, and healing me in the process.

I long to be secure in who I am in God. HE IS MY REWARD. Everything I do is FOR HIS GLORY. If my kids succeed: Yeah! God! If I was able to shower today: Yeah! God! If anything good happens, it is because of Him. If nothing good happens: Yeah! God! Why? I am alive and well! A ‘performance’ mentality is essentially an insecurity.

Two “mom” goals I have set out to accomplish are:
a) to impart unto my children the ability to rest in who they are; and,
b) to let them know that God is enough.

I want to be a mother who:

1. Nurtures and loves her children unconditionally, without reservation. I want them to know that my love is limitless, and it is not earned. I love them because of who they are. They need not perform.

2. I want my children to know that I expect nothing of them. If they excel at something, I am proud of them, but perfection does not earn my love.

3. I want them to be confident individuals, secure in knowing that whatever God has in store for them…it is enough. They don’t need to compare themselves. They are unique and they are loved.
4. Finally, I long for them to know that they do not need to strive for my love, that they are not in a rat race or some kind of competition. They have already won, simply by being born into our family.

I now see that, as much as I long for my children to embrace these “goals”, the Lord desires for me to do so as well. He wants me to be secure in His love and not think, for one second, that I can earn His approval or love. Jesus has already done that for me. It would be heart-breaking if my kids believed that they needed to accomplish things or be someone else in order to gain my approval. The truth is that I love who they are. There is nobody else, in the entire world, like them!

Identity, Excellence, Wisdom, and Confidence: these are 4 words which will empower you, encourage you to be the mother that God created you to be.

When our motive is LOVE, and we find rest in the arms of the Father, all “performance” mentalities fade away. We realize that, if we never did another thing in our lives, we would be fully loved and fully accepted by Him (not that we stop doing everything, but we make sure our heart and motives are in line with his desires for us at mothers).

Who or what defines you?

Do not allow ‘performance’ mentalities to steal your joy. Enjoy your little ones. Do not fret about the food smeared on their faces or the blotches of stains on their shirt. It is a-okay if the dishes do not get done. You are STILL loved. Your children are blessed to have you. Be thankful for today and the memories that you will create!

Nutritious and Delicious

Lunch Smoothie

This lunch smoothie is super healthy and perfect for the kids when they say they are hungry but complain about any food you offer them. Today my son Judah was doing this. He told me he was soooooo hungry but didnt want anything I offered him, so I asked about a smoothie and he said “yes”. The rest is history, he drank it up and I am confident that he got what his little body needed! Here are the ingredients:

2 fresh or frozen bananas
1 mango chopped
A handful of frozen strawberries
A handful of frozen blueberries
A handful of spinach
1 stalk of celery
1 small carrot
1tbsp flax seeds
1 cup of water
1 cup of rice milk
1 scoop absolute vegetarian protein (optional)
Throw all of these ingredients in the Blendtec, set to whole juice cycle. Once it is blended, pour into glasses and serve immediately. Makes enough for 4-6 glasses. I also water it down and give it to Mercy, 1year, in her sippy cup and she loves it. You can add more of less liquid depending on how thick you want it to be. This smoothie is chalked full of vitamins, essential minerals, fibre and protein. Perfect for warm days to rehydrate and replenish your body!

Healthy Birthday Cakes

Here are a couple cake ideas that can be used for kids birthday cakes. They are sugar, milk and egg free! My son loves helping me bake and these cakes are perfect if you are doing baking because they contain no sugar or additives!!

Healthy Banana Cake

2 cups whole wheat flour
1tsp baking powder
1tsp baking soda
6 ripe mashed bananas
1 cup unsweetened applesauce
1/2 cup rice milk
Combine dry ingredients in a bowl and mix well. Combine wet ingredients in another bowl and mix. Pour dry ingredients in with wet ingredients and mix together. Bake at 325F in a well greased pan for 1-1/2hr until cake is cooked through.
Whole Wheat Carrot Cake
2 cup whole wheat flour
1tsp baking powder
1tsp baking soda
pinch of sea salt
1 1/4cup water
3/4 cup raisins (optional)
1tsp cinnamon
1/2 tsp nutmeg
1 cup grated carrots
1/2 cup unsweetened applesauce
Preheat oven to 325F. Combine dry ingredients in a bowl and mix. In a small sauce pan add water, raisins, nutmeg and cinnamon, bring water to a boil and let simmer for 5 minutes. Put carrots in a seperate bowl pour water mixture over and add applesauce, stir. Add dry ingredients and stir until cake is completely mixed. Pour into a well greased pan and bake for 45 minutes or until cooked through. Enjoy!

Vegan Chickpea Burgers

1 lb cooked chickpeas or 2 x 14 oz cans chickpeas
1 onion finely chopped
2 cloves or garlic
2 medium potatoes cooked and mashed
2 tbsp soy sauce
2 tsp lemon juice
pepper to taste, whole wheat flour, extra virgin olive oil for frying
Put chickpeas into a bowl and mash well. Add onion, garlic, potato, soy sauce, lemon juice and pepper. Mix together well. With floured hands, shaped into patties. Coat well with flour and refrigerate for 1 hour. Heat a little extra virgin olive oil in a pan and fry burgers on each side until golden brown. Serve with whole wheat buns. Top with sprouts, spinach or lettuce, fresh cilantro, pickles and tomatoes!

Hear from YOU!!

I have been thinking, over the past couple of days, that I really want this blog to bless people, especially mothers. I want it to be like an arrow that is on target.

I want to hear from you. Please comment. Let me know what topics, devotional ideas, or anything else you would like to see discussed on a regular basis.

I want to be real, relational and obviously relevant as I continue to encourage you. So, send me a message or post a comment. Let me in on some of your thoughts!!! Bless you all. I look forward to hearing from you!

Magnificent Mothering

Hello to all you wonderful mothers out there! I feel compelled to let you know, that in this day and age, your role as a mother is so important. We have the power to shift a nation and to raise children who are God fearing, confident, whole individuals. I have been challenged with the thought that any woman can be a mom, biologically, but it takes a woman who desires to love, nurture and see their child excel, beyond their own accomplishments, to be a mother. Mothering is not an easy task, in fact, it is the most multifaceted, complex, demanding job on earth and it takes much skill and selflessness to master! This morning I was reflecting on my role as a mother. Often, people tell us to not do anything on mothers day, to take the day off, but I feel like today is an opportunity to, in all I do, remember how blessed I am to be able to serve my children and my family.

 I thought it would be nice to include a little humor, seeing as the majority of my days are spent laughing at myself or my kids, and the silly things that seem to happen and change when you become a mother. So here are a few scenarios you may be able to identify with. You know you are a mother when:

You spit on your hands to clean off the faces of your children.

You wear jogging pants for a week straight

You can talk on the phone, pack a snack, wash the dishes, and breastfeed all at the same time.

You cannot remember the last time you painted your nails.

Your washing machine never stops running.

You have thousands of pictures of your children but not one of you.

You never leave the house without snacks.

You reach into your purse to pay for groceries and you pull out a soother.

You often think and feel that you are not capable to do this job but then realize that you wouldn’t trade it for the WORLD!

I cannot explain the overwhelming joy that comes to my heart when I sit down and think about my children. The emotions, the desire and the love are too much to express in words. They can only be demonstrated through a life of expression. I began to wonder that perhaps all of these emotions, evoked in my relationship with my kids, are a way of God expressing His heart towards me. Is that possible? If I am only human, could that love and desire for me be even stronger since He is the creator of those emotions? Could my relationship with my kids be an example, on a small scale, of the passionate, burning, undying love of God? I do believe this to be true. As a mother, I am experiencing a picture of God’s heart for me. How I see my kids, love them, express my heart towards them, etc., are all examples of how God feels towards me. Wow! In realizing this, one thing becomes evident: I NEED HIM to show me how to love my kids. I want His guidance and mentor-ship on this road of motherhood. May all the glory of motherhood be given back to God because He is the one who made me a mother. He is the one who created my children and gave them to me. 

I pray that, today, each of you will feel a strong sense of God’s pleasure with you as a mother. You play a vital and important role in the lives of your children and your family. The impact you have now is like an investment. The long term return is far greater than what you see now. If you plant seeds, you will reap a harvest! So in the mean time, between the planting and the harvesting, may you experience the joy, inner peace and contentment that comes from being a mother. May you realize, that out of your sacrifice, lives are being shaped, personalities affirmed, and world leaders are in the making. May you know that no one else, in the WORLD, can be your child’s mother and that NOBODY loves you like they do! HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY. Bless you as you continue to embark upon this journey of motherhood!

“Train up a child in the way they should go and when they are old they will NOT depart from it!” Proverbs 22:6

Whole Wheat Scones

2 cups whole wheat flour (or whole wheat all purpose flour)
4 tsp baking powder
1 tbsp granulated maple sugar (you could use honey or maple syrup instead)
3/4 tsp sea salt
3/4 cup rice milk
4 tbsp margarine
Mix together all the dry ingredients, cut in margarine until crumbly. Add rice milk and stir with a fork. Bake at 450F for 12-15 minutes until the scones are light brown. Serve warm  with honey or strawberry jam. We enjoyed these delicious scones tonight with Vanilla Roobios tea. Steep the tea and add honey and rick milk to taste! Mmmmm…
Judah called it “the perfect cup of tea and scones”:)

Dandilion Dilemma

I don’t know if anyone else has looked out their window lately and seen a beautiful array of yellow dandelions? They look nice from afar, in fact, when they are spread out over fields they are beautiful, like a golden blanket covering the cold bare ground. However, when they cover my back yard it is a different story. Dandelions aren’t flowers they are a weed! And while they may look nice in an open field they inhibit any other plants to grow. They spread quickly and will choke out all other plant life and grass seed. They are a pain to get rid of, their roots go down really deep. It is important that you pull out the dandelions with the root,  if you just pull out the leaves or the flower they will continue to grow beneath the surface. The most important thing to take out is the ROOT. It takes forever to get rid of these weeds, I know because I have been doing it for years in our yard, and I am finally starting to see some improvements. I was out for a run yesterday and I saw dandelions growing in yards, pots, gardens, side roads, playgrounds, in sand, dirt, mud and even…in piece of pavement! I almost tripped over my own feet as I ran and when I saw a single dandelion growing up through a piece of pavement! How on earth did that happen? Pavement is a few inches thick and it is solid, durable, and impossible to penetrate…or so I thought! I began to think about this analogy of how something so small and inconspicuous can creep into our yards and spread so ferociously. This caused me to think of the own weeds in my life; things like anger, jealous, bitterness, resentment, hurt, feelings of rejection, abandonment, and…well…you fill in the blank. No matter how strong we think we are we deal with these issues on a daily basis. We keep these feelings and emotions buried under the surface of our facade until we wake up one morning to a field of bright yellow weeds. What are some weeds in your life?  We often think that these areas won’t really affect us or anyone else but the opposite is true. Just like dandelions, these seeds spread and choke out the good things in our lives. If you see the FRUIT you have the ROOT. If I see yellow dandelions in my yard I know the roots are dandelion roots, not grass roots or clover roots of carrot roots! Same in our lives, we often see the fruit which is important to recognize, but the most important thing to explore is the root and how and why it was planted. We need to attack the root and fast. When the dandelions go to seed the wind blows the seeds and they spread like a wild fire! So how do you attack? I am glad you asked…it may be different for different situations but the main ways to let go and get rid of roots is FORGIVENESS! Forgiving isn’t forgetting it it releasing that person and situation and choosing not to blame or harbor resentment towards them. When we forgive someone we let the prisoner go and then realize that the prisoner was us! I find it interesting; the only place that a dandelion will not grow is in water, I passed by a stream on my run and there were dandelions on both side of the stream but NOT in the stream. God’s forgiveness is that stream! Who are you going to forgive today? Don’t let those roots go any deeper, let the dandelion dilemma end today!

Husbands…

Life partner, companion, best friend, life coach, cheer leader, doctor, therapist, provider…these are just a few words that come to mind when I think of my husband Jim. I am sure that you can think of many other descriptive words to give credit to their position in our lives. I am so thankful that I have someone to walk this road with, someone to experience all the pain and pleasure that life brings. I often think back to my single days waiting and wondering if God would bring a man into my life that I would really want to spend the rest of my life with…and He did. I admit there was always a longing inside of me to have someone to grow old with and at the same time there was a fear of the unknown; Would we get bored of each other? Do we want to same things in life? While I dont think that a husbands role is to meet all our needs (emotional, physical, mental and spiritual) they do help and their most important job to do is to point us in the direction of the ONE who can meet all of those needs, the ONE who created us – God. I think that is the most important role that our husbands can play, to remind us how beautiful we are and that God has a purpose for us. Essentially they encourage us to be the WOMEN that God created us to be. Somedays I look at my children and I begin to see my husband in their little faces and their cute little mannerisms. I am overwhelmed at the thought of our lives together and the “fruit” that it is bearing. Life comes from intimacy. Our lives have now been so intricately woven together that we are truly becoming one and occasionally I stop and think about who I am, making sure I don’t completely loose myself. When I do this I see that I haven’t lost anything, yes I have changed, but I have gained more than I could have ever hoped for. A Husband, someone who truly loves and blessed my life.  Husbands and wives need each other to be encouraged and grow in their God given purposes. If you are reading this and you dont have a spouse…honor someone special in your life today; father, brother, mother, sister, friend. Or perhaps your’e having a hard time in your marriage…it happens, there are days when I think I could do things a lot more efficiently on my own, but I am committed for life, and now when I look back on those time I realize that they have made our marriage stronger than ever before!  So be thankful for the good days and the bad because they produce character and perserverence in your relationship. How can you honor your husbands today? Go the extra mile and do something special for them…I am so thankful for my wonderful husband Jim, who gives of himself daily in order to provide for us, I am so proud to be his wife and I look forward to all that God has for our future! I am so glad that he was born, I will spend the rest of my life trying to show him how special he is. I love you Jim, Happy Birthday:)

Welcome!

I am so glad that you came to check out my blog. I am really looking forward to connecting with you and hearing from you on a regular basis. I admit that this blog has taken me longer than expected to publish, mostly because I am such a perfectionist and I wanted to edit everything to death! But I gave in, actually my husband said that he would publish it if I didn’t so I just decided to DO IT! I hope I find you all well. I want to invite you to follow my story, posts,reciepes, homemaking and devos-to-go. I am hoping to provide a place of hope, encouragement and relationships mostly for woman, wives and especially mothers who feel as though some days they might loose it after changing a dozen poopy diapers, not showering for 5 days and sleeping for an average of 5 hrs a night (combined). YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE:) And the truth of the matter is that there are many of us out there, we are all in this season of life together and to be honest, although it is difficult at times, I love it, and I want to encourage you to love it as well! Marriage, pregnancies, babies, breastfeeding, toddlers and homemaking all present very unique challenges and I believe that we can learn so many things together. Some days are good and some are not so good:) Like my 3 year old son put it, as he rested his hand on my shoulder, after a long day, in which I shed many tears, “Mommy its a hard day”!  He knew! I looked up at him and smile, yes it is a hard day, but because you said it I can move on and things are going to get better! Sometimes we need a gentle reminder that some days are hard but that they are short lived. Life is beautiful, regardless of the sticky hands, painted walls, poopy diapers, dirty dishes, stained carpet and chaos of having children, they are growing and we are watching them, this is a rare and beautiful thing. Pregnant bellies, hormones, elevated emotions and bodies that arent what they used to be are; these are some of the challenges that are reality. Life is simple, my days usually consist of feeding, changing, playing, feeding again, changing again, sleeping and playing. I feel like I clean up just in time for someone to make a mess and then I clean it again. It isnt rocket science, it’s simplicity and I have learned over the years to cherish the simplicity because too often we, as “grown ups”, try to complicate things. Children laugh an average of 400 times a day, adults about 40 times, so jump in with your kids and enjoy life. Please engage, share your heart, comment, correct, have fun and laugh with me in this season. I pray that as we grow together on this journey you and your household will be strengthen and encouraged to live a simply beautiful life!